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CULTURE: At Long Last, The Mighty Thor, on the Big Screen!

It was recently announced that with Matthew Vaughn at the helm Marvel is officially making the “Thor” movie.

Thor was by far my favorite character when I was a kid. If you’d have told me then that someday, they’d make a big-budget Thor movie I’d have, well… better to show you.

*Time Travel*

Me- So, they’re making a Thor movie…

Kid Me- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!! How did you get into my room? Ghaaahhh!

Me- Calm down! It’s okay, I’m “you” from the future. I’m not going to hurt you… Yeah, a Thor movie.

Kid Me- Wait, what? Why is this happening?

Me- I’m here to tell you about—

Kid Me- That’s why you came back? To tell me about a movie?

Me-Yep!

Kid Me- How old are you?

Me- Er, uh… 31.

Kid Me- And that’s the reason you came back, a Thor movie? This is one of those “If someone had told me then, that I blank” scenarios, right? Like, if I knew then that someday I’d be a senator, blah, blah, blah… That thing?

Me- Well… Yeah.

Kid Me- And 31-year old you, comes back, not to tell me that I’m a famous ball-player or that we live in under-water cities or to avoid a certain person who will murder me. You’re here to tell me that I’ll still be into comics as an adult and that they’re making a Thor movie.

Me- Yeah. I guess… Is that weird?

Kid Me- Lemme guess, you’re also gonna “blog” about it online?

Me- Hey, that’s not fair! And how do you even know about— Sigh. It’s just… There have been some really bad comic book movies. In a few years, they’re going to make a Roger Corman “Fantastic Four” film…

Kid Me- Whoooa…

Me- And, it will turn out to be the definitive version. Then, a foolish man will put nipples on the batsuit. And the guy from “Commando” and “Conan the Barbarian” will botch the role of Mr. Freeze—

Kid Me- Haha. Last week, another guy from the future told me that he actually becomes governor of—

Me- YOU’RE NOT LISTENING! Focus on the important stuff! Remember all those Ben Grimm and Hulk fans who said Thor was gay? We need this! Comic book movies need this. Many years from now the guy who did “Evil Dead” will create the greatest super-hero film of all time… but he’ll stumble on the third one. Badly. Around that same time a shitty Fantastic Four sequel will nearly wreck everything…

Kid Me- Well, we’ll still have Daredevil. That one could turn out…

Me- (looks away awkwardly)

Kid Me- Right?

Me- You poor bastard…

Kid Me- So, does the Thor movie look good?

Me- Hard to say… The director did a pretty good gangster film called Layer Cake, and then he collaborated with the brilliant Neil Gaiman, filming a movie version of his Stardust book.

Kid Me- How was that?

Me- I uh, haven’t seen it. I’ve been busy… and, you know…

Kid Me- With what?

Me- Stuff, okay! Anyway, it’s all up in the air. Usually you can see right away, based on director, cast etc., if a comic book movie looks any good. This one’s iffy. Though the script is supposed to awesome, according to AintItCool.

Kid Me- Tsk, what don’t they like?

Me- Seriously.

Kid Me- Hey! I know. Maybe another future you, from just after the film opens, will come back and tell us if it’s good!

Me- (a beat, rolls eyes) Yeeeah, oookkkkayyy man. Riiight. I’m sure that’s really going to happen. God, you better smarten up… So, someday, a wild-haired old man or a kid might show up asking about this book, if they do, you have to—

Kid Me- Um, you’re talking about the future, you’re in the past.

Me- Wait, what? Am I— No, I mean… Ugh, time travel always confuses me…

We at SGHQ would like to know who you would cast to play the Odinson…

The Cooler King taps Viggo:


Gerry_D nominates Karl Urban:


and Erin Broadley would like to see Vincent D’Onofrio reprise his role from Adventures In Babysitting:


Who do you want to see swing Mjolner? Post your selection in the comments thread — and the winner (picked by the staff) will receive something from around the office (also picked by the staff).
Good luck!
NO FABIO!

Whosoever reads this article, if he be worthy, shall possess the power to waste 10 minutes…

(Written by: TheCoolerKing)

(via Jason’s shared items in Google Reader)